Love in the Digital Age

Omari Green

The Mind of a 1 Percenter - Volume 1

Twitter: @Mr_Everything10

In this digital age, to my elders, it would be hysterically funny if I told them what brings me joy.

For as long as I can remember, I have romanticized names as if they would be able to stand the test of time and then some.

Some names have compelled me to smile without control

Some names have caused a pain I never thought I could experience

And other names had the power to do both.

But where there was once land, there is now water

Where there was once light, there is now darkness

Where there was once love, there is now anguish and pain

Eventually the pendulum swings and what once was, always finds a way to be something else in the end.

Seeing your name was a reward for me.

Like an elementary school crush that I knew nothing about,

Knowing your name was enough

I mean I could then run home and tell mom about the girl that sits two seats in front of me with the blue backpack next to the kid that picks his boogers.

She was well dressed,

Just like me

She probably had parents who worked hard long weeks to present her as best as they could,

Just like me

I hope you find a way to look this way, everyday

So I raise my hand to ask questions in hopes that she would

Just – like me.

Your username followed by your profile picture

Your nickname in my phone surrounded by my favorite emojis

Shit, I even loved typing your full government name in Times New Roman font because I was infatuated with the idea of something so simple but still having the power to be so alluring.

___________

When did it begin?

Perhaps it was the time when we asked each other how many kids we wanted and on the count of three

We both said, “at minimum, three”

Or was it the day you posted 3 selfies back-to-back with only 30 mins in-between each because I think you wanted the Instagram algorithm to prioritize your posts so you can beat your record of likes that you got on that one picture that your crush from college noticed but you thought forgot about you.

*takes a breath*

Better yet, it could have been the time when I completely accepted you for you,

no more questioning,

no more manipulation,

no more trying to mold you into what I thought was best for me

– flaws and all

___________

When will it end?

I’m not sure if it ever will

You see, even being on good or bad terms didn’t matter.

Not even during the peak of my stubbornness and moments that lacked emotional maturity.

More times than none, with the non-speaking terms we slightly agreed upon,

Seeing your name added a level of comfort and peace.

On the contrary, after an amazing night of just indulging in each other’s presence

While understanding that now ‘home’ had a new meaning,

The same feeling was experienced

It might be weird to say aloud but it’s gotten to the point where my lOvE for you deepens through the interaction of a screen.

And to some of us it's easier that way.

Easier because this digital age fills just as much as it drains,

foreign to our gen-xers,

But in our own world, what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained.

At this point, the pain that raised me has forced me to cheer for those who were in similar predicaments.

Bound by a love that no longer existed in the physical plane but haunted their dreams with moments of beauty that they could no longer experience.

I see their current state and wish that somehow, they’d find each other again

It gives me faith that one day we could and would do the same.

I desperately stay convicted to this idea – this belief and I don’t know why.

Because outside looking in I am fine

Nothing bothers me like it used to

But inside I still receive these alerts of shock and pain as signals of anxiety and feelings I try so hard to avoid

Feelings that are fixated on making sure I feel them

All this could happen by just seeing your name.

Through the ups and downs I can’t say what’s next for us.

Or even me, for that matter

It appears that I am now more focused on not hurting others as opposed to just loving them.

If there were 5,198 million people with your name, I would still think of you.

If my Instagram feed was my best friend who should’ve been a detective,

Some informant

Or maybe just a snitch,

Your name would still provide tranquility.

If I visited your profile another 5 times,

After being on your page 19 mins ago,

I would still come back 8 more.

It’s like I have you in a different way

It’s one sided and maybe blinded by the reality of what really is

But at least now you know

It’s foolish because anyone with eyes can see your name too,

Or they don’t and in fact, it’s just another name that dictates their emotions

Way of thinking

Way of being

Like your name does to me

*sighs*

Regardless of what’s said or lack thereof,

no matter the platform, time or day.

The only thing that doesn’t change – is your name.

It’s your name that I lOvE.